


Cowardice

by whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Brief NSFW, Brief mention of homophobia, Heartbreak, Lime, M/M, Unhappy Ending, brief violence mention, so lime ig? idk they definitely sleep together but there's no like graphic details
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 05:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18218615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating/pseuds/whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating
Summary: Like all the brightest flames, Jack and Ralph’s relationship burns too fiercely and far, far too fast. IE.; Jack and Ralph fall out just as quickly as they fell in love.





	Cowardice

It was never meant to go so far.

It had begun simply enough, as mere flirtation; coy remarks in the hall, brushing against each other in passing, lingering glances across rooms.

It evolved much more rapidly than they'd expected; became endless hours spent together in empty classrooms, lips meeting in desperate, feverish kisses. Words half-whispered in the dark, fingers brushing over bare skin, pale blue eyes illuminated by moonlight pouring through open windows. Clothing shared and discarded on floors. Bruises blooming across necks and collarbones. Late night silence broken by breathless, gasping moans.

They had never intended to truly care for each other.

* * *

 Winter break. Gentle kisses between words, fingers comfortably woven together. A carefully guarded farewell.

_“I’ll see you right after the break, idiot. You’ll live.”_

_“I know, but I’ll miss you.”_ A pause. _“A little. Arsehole.”_

Two letters; the first an awkward, stilted confession in a messy, chaotic scribble. The second, days later, an enthusiastic consensus, affection seeping out of every stroke of careful, delicate cursive.

Weeks later, a promise whispered against against a freckled jaw. A decision, made too hastily; later to be broken; to ignore the opinions of others.

_“We are the only two people in the world. No one else matters.”_

_“You and me-”_

_“You and_ I.”

_“You and I, against the world.”_

And then falling deeply into something close to, but not quite, love. An ultimately empty assurance that nothing, no one, never, would separate them.

“Let them try. I’d sooner cut their throats, bleed them dry, do them in, then let them take you.”

Deep down, they knew it could never last. The world was too cruel, too resistant to change and understanding; “polite society” would do everything in its power to rip them apart.

Sometimes, they toyed with the idea of running off together; packing their trunks, catching a train to the countryside, and never looking back.

_“I can't do that to my family. You know I can't.”_

_“You could if you weren’t afraid of them.”_

_“I can't-”_

_“I would do it for you.”_

_“I know, Jack.”_

Their nights together became more sparse, and infinitely more heated. Deep scratches left on backs, dark purple bruises, angry red bite marks, all reminders that _you belong to me and I belong to you, always._

_“Forever?”_

_“Forever.”_

_“Swear it.”_

A moment’s hesitation. _“I swear.”_

* * *

 Summer holidays. Vehemently declining the opportunity to go home, making excuses about getting ahead on classes and taking up extra summer studies.

_“There’s a long paper due at the beginning of the term, and I can’t bring home the school’s reference books. Yes, Mum, I’ll write.”_

_“There’s an advanced choir class they’re only offering in the summer. My chorister thinks I should take it. He says it’s a good opportunity. Good for university applications. Yes, yes, it’s paid for.”_

Lazy mornings in bed, curled in each other’s arms as if they could stay there forever. Long, sunny days spent together, curled up under their favorite tree. Late nights wandering around cobblestone streets, laughter bubbling up in-between kisses.

But, of course, like most things, it had to come to an end. 

* * *

  _“My father is beginning to suspect I’m gay.”_

_“So?”_

_“So, I can’t do this anymore. Not right now.”_

Tears welling in frosty blue eyes, pale hands clenched into fists, a voice shaking from hurt.

_“I'm sorry, Jack, I’m sorry- please don't-”_

_“You’re a coward.”_

_“Jack, please-”_

_“A bloody coward. You could-”_

_“I can’t, Jack, they would disown me. You know that.”_

_“So what?! Is your inheritance more important to you than me?”_

_“Jack-”_

_“Actually, don't answer that.”_

Hurt slowly giving way to bitter anger. A leather jacket, borrowed on a cold day and worn lovingly through the last several months, snatched back up from a desk chair.

 _“You're a_ fucking _coward, Ralph.”_

Muggy summer air suddenly turned freezing. Fingers nervously clasping together, teary eyes darting around to avoid contact with the other’s stony gaze.

_“... I know I am.”_

A clipped, bitter laugh, a turn of a heel, and a slam of a door.

And, immediately, crushing, constricting _loneliness._

Lingering smells on pillows and sheets.

Photos carefully placed a shoebox and hidden in the back of a closet.

Memories, once so sweet, now soured and painful.

Aching hearts.

Endless longing.

And most of all, _regret._

Everything felt grey, and unbearably slow.

They desperately wanted to take it back; to return to those days spent together, arms wound tightly around one another, fingers curling through messy hair. Heads resting on shoulders, thumbs quietly flipping the pages of a book, cigarette smoke hanging lazily in the air. Kisses that tasted of cheap rum and butterscotch candy. Imperfect, damaged, but happy. Endlessly, madly, _fatally_ in love.

But those days were gone, as irretrievable as feathers in the wind.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted as the first chapter in a much longer fic that I posted way back in May of 2018. I edited and reformatted it a lot, because I ended up _really_ not liking the way it read. So, here it is again, new and improved as a oneshot! Or, maybe two chapters. I haven't decided yet. I guess tell me in the comments if I should give them a happy ending?  
> EDIT: They're probably not getting a happy ending lol they're dysfunctional babey


End file.
